I’m going to say it right out of the gate here – this post about my “why” is not going to be like a lot of the others I’ve read. It’s not going to be about how “I’m doing this for my children” or “my children are my whole world, and I want to be around to watch them get older.”
Defining your “why”: We all have a reason for working on certain projects or certain goals, or even just for doing daily activities/habits the way we do them. For some things the “why” may be more clear than others. When it comes to weight loss or financial goals, though, there are infinite, complex reasons that someone may have set those goals. Clearly defining your “why” can help you stay focused on your goal(s) and help you identify opportunities for improvement if you find yourself doing something that does not bring value to your process. To define your “why” you need to ask yourself questions, and answer them honestly.
So why do I want to get my health back on track, lose 50 pounds, and be a multi-millionaire by the time I retire? The first thing that came to mind was the statement I see from SO many other women; “for my children.” But I realized that I cringed when that went through my mind. That’s not my “why” – it’s someone else’s. I love my children dearly, but I’m not solely or even primarily doing this for them. Yes, I want to be healthy enough to live a long life and watch my children grow as long as I can, but that’s still not my primary reason for wanting to make changes.
I cringed when that thought first came to my mind because it’s what many parents, especially mothers, have been trained by society should always be our primary purpose for doing anything in life. If you say “my children are not my world” the collective society drops their jaw and gasps. How on Earth could a mother say that her children are NOT her whole world?
For me – it’s because they’re not. My children are a huge, important part of my world, but they are not my whole world. I would die for my kids, but I don’t live and breathe every second of my life to please them. It’s fairly common for mothers to lose their sense of identity after they have children, and I’ve definitely gone through periods of that in my life, but I absolutely have my own sense of identity now, and I honestly think my children will be better off for it. They will see me make myself a priority, and I hope that they do the same for themselves. I have spent half of my life – 16 years – as a mother of young children, and I’ve spent my entire life living in the same house as young children. My younger brother is 10 years younger than me, and then when I was 16 (and still a kid myself) my oldest son was born. Now I’m 32, and I live with 4 kids ranging in age from 3 – 15. I pushed hard to finish high school and undergrad “on time” for my oldest son. I wanted to make sure that there was no reason why I would be unable to provide for him the same way as any other parent who didn’t have children until they were older. And I’ve spent the last 8 years caring for my younger children as well.
I’ve come to the conclusion that most people were designed to parent young children for only a few years. Of course there are those unicorn people who LOVE every moment of having tiny humans terrorizing their homes, and they have 8 of them over the span of 20 years, but most siblings are 2-3 years in age apart, and having 2-3 kids means that most parents are done raising children under the age of 3 within about 6-9 years. I have been doing it for SIXTEEN, and I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t admit that I am over it. Trying to state that “I’m doing this for my children” made me cringe because I’m just not. I’m glad that these things that I am working towards are going to be good for them too, but it’s not my primary purpose.
So what is my “why”? It’s because I am worth it. I want to be healthy because I feel better when I am physically active and my body is lean. I have more confidence, more drive, and definitely more overall optimism about my life (IOW – my mental health also improves). I want to focus on improving my finances because I feel more in control of my future when I have a clear picture of where I’m at and where I want to be, and where I want to be is to travel pretty much as often as I want without worrying about if I can afford it. I’ve been through both of these journeys before, but this time is different. The last time I was physically healthy I was doing it without a clear idea of why. It was always that “it’s for my children” statement or because I felt ashamed that I was overweight. And every time I’ve focused on improving my finances it’s been because I was in terrible shape financially. Being in terrible shape financially, and then having some financial security has allowed me to become complacent, and I haven’t been making my money work FOR me nearly like I want it to.
My “why” is probably different from yours. We all have different backgrounds and personalities, and even if your “why” TRULY is for your children that’s great. My point with this entire post is to gather my own thoughts, put my own “why” into writing, and to remind you that sometimes you have to push yourself to answer the question honestly.
Fit Body Fit Budget 